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It is 9freakin'5 degrees out.
Ew.
I REALLY hate hot weather. Honestly, since I was yae (puts flattened hand next to knee cap) high I always loved the cold, the winter blasts. Ah, there's nothing like learning about Kinetic Molecular Theory while dripping the Atlantic Ocean in sweat. Thank you, overpriced Middle School. You shall forever give me the love of air conditioning. I'm growing tiiiiired of school. I love school, however retaining and learning and forcing myself to sponge-bath information into my head. But not at this school. Most of my breath at school is no, not wasted, but used to remind thyself with the sweet and fruitful words of the hopeful future; One year 'till I'm out. I've been having slightly venomous altercations with myself over a lot lately. Mainly, it's just frustration. Maybe I'm just socially incapable, or perhaps the brazen title of 'nuts'. But however one shall like to spin it, I end up in the same situation time and time again. Perhaps I just haven't found the right friend. But really, it's just starting to get annoying. I've come to find, I'm just like everybody else in basic desire. I long for a lot of the same ideas as everybody else, but in more specific ways and in slightly obscured examples. Examples that most cannot see under the metaphorical lamp, but under a UV light. Yeah, the UV light of my Lemony-Snicket forsaken life. I was never one to be 'trendy'. But, I'm coming to find that being 'trendy' might play a huge part in being generally 'accepted', but they are incredulously two different ideas and topics. Just like the other 6.8 billion people out there, I'd just love to be accepted right about now. I went to one of those 'so bad you truly contemplate faking your period and going home' sleepovers for my friend on Friday. The girls sat in a circle and gossiped. I timed it. One hour. Chinese food (which was pretty good...), the cliché, and then smores and running around in Lydia's backyard. Point, basically? Ignored. Again. Bored. Again. Pivotal point in this rambling smoothie of desire to be free of contempt? I'm free of sleepovers. Informed the two (Stasia and Lydia) that there is just simply no way that I'm going to 1) Sleep over this coming Saturday at Lydia's for Spring Dance. And 2) Go to Spring Dance period. I have had enough of all this silliness; call me cynical, critical, a fogey, a pessimist, ungrateful, a bitch, anti-social, strange, obscure, weird, out-of-the-ordinary, an indie, a pseudo-indie, a poser, true, correct, wrong, crazy, sane, or any other new or old adjective. I have had enough with being correct in the pupils of all else with a pulse; it is, in fact, time to look my fear of confrontation in the eyes and blow in it's face. I spit at the shoes of the past; too young to think past my age, perhaps, but I am not at my breaking point. I am not, I hope. I am merely a frustrated little girl past her metric line of tolerance for the cookie-cutter life of the number 14/13. Yes, the paint that MAKES the line is the breaking point, but...okay, I'm honestly thinking too much. This post was raw. Unsure about posting this. I'm doing it anyway. See, I DO have a brain!
Christina posts to new post, smiles, nods, showing large example of rambling thoughts that are the fishnet of her mental ocean.
It's been a while since I've said this, but see you soon, cookies!
4 opinions.:
It sickens me how so many think that the materialistic aspects of life determine how decent of a person you are, or at least how it depicts whether or not you're "accepted". It's absolutely ridiculous.
I gave up on dances, parties, or even mere sleep-overs with anyone else other than my best friend (as a matter of fact, I began making up excuses and avoiding them at all costs). I just don't see the point. If something doesn't make us happy, regardless of what it is, don't do it. What you should do is ditch that and do what you actually enjoy, even if that's merely reading a book :)
I hope to see you soon, too, love!
l,
Hannah
I think Hannah has put it well.
95 degrees ~ that's just a bit too hot!
l,
Amanda x
Yuck, the overly hot weather sets me on edge too. I enjoy it if there's a steady breeze, or a swimming area. But stale hotness.. blech.
Hannah put it perfectly. I know people may not be working out where you are now, but once you're out, things may change drastically. You'll go off and meet people who have similar values as you, who enjoy the company of a good book, snicker at the petteyness of gossip. There are fortunately people out there who aren't devoted to being trendy and typical.
I really like the way you wrote this, by the way :). I'm glad you wound up posting it.
I know it's frustrating now, but I hope things work out to perfection for you.
Enjoy your weekend Christina!
♥ Olive
I tagged you, love :)
xo,
h
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